First Love

It's been so many years now. Actually, I have never thought that it was serious. Merely a puppy love. He is a childhood friend. We used to be paired. I got a crush on him and I think he's also attracted w/ me. I was beautiful, he's cute. But hormones changed. Pimples, blackheads, etc surfaces. Pity on me. I lost my smooth skin, my hair become dry. But he remains the same. Only that, he really don't have the height. So as expected, he lost interest on me and he started getting into relationships. Until I have received this news, he got her gf pregnant. I cried... a lot, so hard.. But after that, I moved on. But have I really moved on? He still have the same effect on me. Whenever I see him, my knees get weak. I can't meet his eyes. Afraid that he'll see my real feelings? And now that I'm already married, whenever me and my husband will go through bad times, I can't help but fall into thinking, what if it has been him? We could have a real happy life. Because I know, I'll really take good care of him. Because he is my first love. And first love never dies.